Our Own CTO (Adam) Weighs In On Why Lingerie Matters

Natalia Vodianova for Etam Lingerie
Natalia Vodianova for Etam Lingerie
SEX! YES SEX!!! Let’s get it right on the table. Lingerie is made for celebrating sexuality, accenting the lines of a woman that define her edges and curves. And while it is objectification at some level, a framed work of art so to speak, is that really always bad thing? While someone’s captivating personality may be the hook to lure you in, the body is frequently the consummation of the attraction, no way around that.

We were built for sex, yet for some reason, our culture seems to shy away from accepting it. Lingerie is still talked about in hushed whispers when it should be celebrated as a weapon against the Puritans, and part of the wonderful joy that is human sexuality. Lingerie Matters. I ask you, what is sexier than a naked woman? For many of us, a scantily clad woman, no secret there. But what is it? There’s no doubt that what she’s wearing can have a direct effect on our arousal level, and lingerie just continues that past the bedroom door. As an amateur photographer (and probably just being male), I find myself drawn to visuals that enhance my surroundings, much the same way camping is enhanced by a star filled sky. Take it to the next level in the bedroom, or whatever room of the house you prefer, like say…. the kitchen, and lingerie is a catalyst in driving our desire. It helps fuel the fantasy of who our partner is, or more specifically, who she is tonight. We need to warm up to our humanness as sexual creatures, and while we don’t need lingerie to be sexual creatures, when we’re trying to set a tone, it definitely helps.

Have you ever caught a glimpse of your partner in a strategically placed mirror (accidentally or otherwise), and marveled at how what she’s wearing drove your mind crazy? Did you stare at the thigh high lace stockings, and watched as they moved with her, the alternate view in the mirror having the effect of detaching you from your surroundings, like a voyeur in your own story? Not that this has ever happened to me, but it sounds very nice :).

Now, do I have to have it? No. Do I always want it? No. If it was on every time she (or I) took her clothes off, I would grow accustomed to it and it would lose its magic. To me, it’s the special meal you get to enjoy at irregular intervals, sometimes several nights in a row, and other times, a week or two in between when life gets in the way. But we must make time for it, our health, mental and physical, demands it.
As I move into my late 40’s, I have noticed a dramatic shift in my attitude, from the raw sexual desire in my 20’s, to this need for eroticism and ‘loaded’ interactions with my partners. The end game is no longer the primary goal, but the journey now takes on a higher importance. Lingerie makes that possible in a way regular underwear does not. I see a woman who wears lingerie as a woman who celebrates her own sexuality, and a woman who celebrates her own sexuality is going to be an excellent partner, be it casual or long-term, in the flirtatious dance over a bottle of wine and beyond. If all goes well, the sliding off of the dinner clothes to reveal a tastefully crafted ensemble, will let you know what kind of woman she is tonight. Lingerie is the rocket fuel of desire. You think about that……

So, what have we learned here? Mostly just that Adam really likes women in lingerie, but I hope that perhaps if you were someone who didn’t see the benefit and joy of sexy underthings, that maybe you will give it a second thought, and find out what makes you and your partner’s motors run.

Adam CTO aka Mr T

Lighten Up Francis, It’s Just Lingerie!


Why do people get their panties in a wad at the topic of lingerie?

I had issues with our signage at the old store due to the fact that the women were in bras. Mind you, they were also more covered than most people on a beach or in the local climbing gym, for that matter.

Facebook recently started rejecting our ads due to suggestive content/nudity. Again, more coverage than a bikini and the content suggested that perhaps she’d like to receive a gift from her guy. Oh my, how scandalous!

The T*Bar when it lived in downtown Boulder

So it begs the question, what the hell? Why do people get their panties in a wad at the topic of lingerie? Is it because it suggests so much more? Sex? Sexiness? Confidence? Lust? So what if it does? We are humans and we have sex. It’s kind of how we’re built. It’s how we all got here, by the way. I personally, would prefer to embrace the attitude, and create a culture that supports it, that this is one of the bonuses of being wired with emotion, as humans-we can have fun here-as opposed to the viewing our sexuality as a means to an end.

Perhaps it’s time to take a cue from our pals across the pond. The Euros have a great sense of humor around this whole topic, from the designs of the product itself, to the cheeky humor that surrounds the marketing and distribution of the same. That’s one of the reasons many of our vendors are from abroad. Kriss Soonik and Marlies Dekkers are two of our favorites. How’s the Marlies Dekkers Gloria Pin Stripe for a power suit?


At The T*Bar, we work really hard to make the experience fun, as it should be. So, in an effort to help break down these taboo’s and spread The TQween’s gospel, that we should be able to talk about such things and lighten up, we are going to share some of the reasons I believe lingerie matters (aside from my obvious obsession), and over the coming weeks will ask some of you to let us know why lingerie matters to you, as well.

Recently, I was visiting with a man I had a relationship with and still am very close to. While we are not together, I will hold a very unique place in my heart for this person for my lifetime. There’s a myriad of reasons why, but one reason in particular of an intimate nature, is how he made me feel when it came to my lingerie. Seen-not invisible. He always knew, and still does, if I was wearing something new or he’d not seen before.

While he never gave me lingerie (nobody ever has-*sniffle), he appreciated that I treated it as gift wrap and a playful part of who I am, whether we were going to a football game with my Gator orange underthings for good luck, or an incredible dinner at a favorite restaurant in his hometown, with a fun surprise for “dessert”. The fact that he noticed, took time to say so, and even weighed in on favorites, made me feel absolutely seen, not invisible. That is some powerful shit.


Debby aka The TQween