The Four Immeasurables and my ride to see the Buffalo

While on a solo ride yesterday,  I became aware that I was riding to the rhythmic beat of my necklace hitting my trachea. It wasn’t hard or painful, but the choker I had forgotten to remove has four silver beads on it. Each bead has a different Tibetan inscription on it. They are The Four Immeasurables : Love, Compassion, Joy and Equanimity. I began contemplating each one as I became aware of the gentle beating on my throat. I have had the necklace for at least ten years and hadn’t really thought about the meaning in a bit. I am not Buddhist, but rather a self proclaimed Jubu. I am Jewish by birth and culture and custom. I have been self studying principles of Buddhism for the last ten years.  The combination is what my kids call my being a Jubu. To truly understand the Four Immeasurables, keep in mind that according to Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron this means, “As thought-feelings that open our heart towards ourselves and others, they are forerunners of bodhicitta, the altruistic intention that seeks enlightenment in order to benefit all sentient beings most effectively.” So, all life is interdependent. “Therefore the happiness of one individual depends on that of others”.

As I was pedaling away to the rhythm, I did sort of a moving meditation on each of the points. I got stuck on one. Love. Love because it is so simple and yet so complex and hangs us up so often. The thing about love is, we tend to create all this extraneous meaning around it. In Buddhism, love is about loving kindness, not self interest. It is wanting others to be happy. Unconditionally. It is the unselfish interest in others’ welfare. It is really simple, actually. Loving others and wanting their happiness and practicing compassion, wishing that they are free of any suffering, should be automatic. Yet, it isn’t.

What I was thinking about was the global implication, versus our personal lives. The global implication is clear and immense. If everyone went through life really practicing this always, IMAGINE! More close to home I was thinking about how it applies in our daily lives and specifically my own. I was recently grilled with regard to my personal life, as to why I wasn’t angry with someone who left my life about six weeks ago, in what seemed like a rather abrupt way, during a very difficult time ( http://tinyurl.com/6cte9fk ). It’s interesting. I never thought about why, but just wasn’t angry. I am not saying I wasn’t  sad, or subsequently, disappointed that we are not in touch at all, because I miss him, but I am not angry and never was. I know I answered honestly, from my heart. I said that I loved him and why would anger be the response? Now, here is where the word love and the meaning of loving kindness get tricky, I guess. I wish him no ill will. I only wish him happiness. That is sincere. He didn’t leave the relationship to hurt me. He left because it was what he needed in that moment. Would I have made a different choice? Absolutely, but the sadness and missing my friend now, most definitely come from my own attachment and emotions that are about me. My love and hoping his suffering has diminished is still sincere and not about me, but because I would not want anyone in my life to suffer and wish only good things for them. (Again, imagine if we could do this globally!) Then of course there is the plain simple fact that bitterness and anger, or treating him unkind, serves no one. Least of all, me.

I recently saw a post in elephant journal (http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/07/never-ending-cycle/) that hit the nail on the head, of how I choose to live my life, with regard to all relationships I have, or at least really try to.  The lead in to the diagram in that post read, “We don’t have to be jerks. We can hold our own and remember that we want to be someone we respect. We have to live with ourselves, ultimately. Our own morals are just that: the armor that protects the sanctity of who we are. Act like a jerk, you lose yourself. Life’s too short to be selfish”. I could not agree more. So, no I am not angry. Now, clearly the loving kindness aside, I wish I had my friend back. As I arrived at the goal of my ride, to see the buffalo, I had instinctively reached for my phone to text a photo two time zones away, but caught myself before hitting send.  Instead, I sent love out into the universe and soaked in the surroundings before heading back.

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~ by thetbar on July 16, 2011.